I hate days when I wake up really early and can’t go back to sleep. I woke up today at 5:30 AM, there is no official reason, but yesterday was one of those days where I looked back at my life and realized how much more I can do with it.
People my age are supposed to know what they want out of life, what they want to do with it. I should be able to exploit life to the max, till the last drop, for some reason I find myself incapable of doing that.
Last night I did something I haven’t done for a while, I went to the beach and walked barefoot on the sand and the shallow ends of the water, I used to do that when I was a kid, I used to enjoy doing that!
I came back home and washed away the sand off my feet, and wished I can wash down so many other things I carry around with me, all that extra baggage… so heavy.
And because I was up so early, I dropped off my sisters to school, same school I went to. I said hi to the school guard. I smile every time I see one of the workers at school, for some reason I appreciate the fact that they remember me and I’m reminded of school days, the classmates and of course the teachers, the ultimate nightmare!
On my way back home, I looked at the car next to me on one of the traffic lights and I saw this kid, he’s definitely not more than ten years old, and he was staring out of the car, into nothing it seems, and he was so cute! Sort of chubby with red cheeks, black hair and black eyebrows, and then for some reason as he was looking into nothing both of his eyebrows went up into what seemed to be astonishment, I tried to find something interesting in the direction he was looking, but I didn’t see anything especially noticeable. It probably was something in his head that he found an answer for, or maybe he got excited over a bee flying by, or maybe he’s just a kid who had to do that facial expression on that particular moment… it was simply so beautiful and pure, and flawless.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Drive me to the airport please
I came across this quote which is supposedly by Jay Leno. Yes I know the guy is Jewish, but I have to give him credit for his wits.“Go through your phone book, call people and ask them to drive you to the airport. The ones who will drive you are your true friends. The rest aren't bad people; they're just acquaintances.”
It’s unbelievable how simply true it is, just ask for a drive to the airport.
This is one more thing that bites, having pretentious friends.
They pretend to be “best friends”, and silly me, I believe it. And I try to be the best “best friend” I can be, silly silly me. And I do one thing, ONE, only one thing that is not by the “best friends book of rules”, written by the original “best friends”, and what am I? The World’s worst friend…
I do not need to explain myself when I have what I consider an emergency.
I do not need to explain myself whenever I have to do something that according to “best friends” is uncommon or unacceptable.
I do not need some whinny ass babies who have seen nothing of the world preaching me on “how it’s really out there”. I don’t know all of “what’s really out there” but I do know that I’ve seen much more of it than your stupid whinny ass.
Don’t even dare and play the “connections” game with me, believe me, VERY unattractive and uncool.
Don’t even dare and play the “my dad is somebody” card with me, some things are better left unsaid. Let me rephrase that, some things are too hurtful to be said.
I know that you lied to me, I know that you’re still lying to me, don’t even dare and think that I don’t know your stupid immature games, I see right through you.
One thing I know for sure on “how it’s really out there”, and that’s your 4.0 GPA counts for nothing, and that people do laugh at you behind your back. And I know that as your friend I’m supposed to tell you that, but I know you, and I know that you will think I’m jealous of you.
And know this, and I’m not stating this because I’m the most perfect friend in the world, and I know that I have my flaws, my many, many flaws. You have an idea about my flaws because that’s all you think of when you think of me, but take that and multiply it by a million, that’s how many flaws and defects I have.
In addition to all those flaws, and as long I am physically able, and as long as there is no other pressing imperative obligation, I will take you to the airport, fly half or all the way across the globe, give you not what you need but what I need, for you, on any given day.
I try to be a friend, that’s all, I try…
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
I don’t get it, it bites
The only thing that has been agonizing me for the past month or so has been getting it. Once again, I am proven to be right, even though I really did not want to be right, because right was not right for me.
I deserve to get it, I do, damn right I do.
The problem is my name, and my appearance, and the fact that I belong to a group that happens to be a minority. I don’t own much, I’m not worth the economy of one whole country.
It wasn’t the color of my skin, definitely not the content of my character, but for some reason the part about character in Martin Luther King Jr.’s speech just keeps repeating itself in my head.
“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”
I too have that same dream.
Discrimination bites.
I didn’t get it.
I deserve to get it, I do, damn right I do.
The problem is my name, and my appearance, and the fact that I belong to a group that happens to be a minority. I don’t own much, I’m not worth the economy of one whole country.
It wasn’t the color of my skin, definitely not the content of my character, but for some reason the part about character in Martin Luther King Jr.’s speech just keeps repeating itself in my head.
“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”
I too have that same dream.
Discrimination bites.
I didn’t get it.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Flipped then Bummed
I’ve been waiting for a phone call for the past ten days, I’m not a very good “waiter”. I flip out and literally jump whenever the phone rings, I can’t control my nerves! Seriously why would a well respected organization say that they will get back to you within ten days and not call you on the 11th day! Why?!
I’m also bummed out over something that did seem too good to be true. Basically, it is, was, my DREAM job, and I built myself up so much for it for me to eventually find out that the position has been filled.
B.U.M.M.E.R.
I’m also bummed out over something that did seem too good to be true. Basically, it is, was, my DREAM job, and I built myself up so much for it for me to eventually find out that the position has been filled.
B.U.M.M.E.R.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Monday, February 12, 2007
A Return to Love, to One’s Self
Inspired by Qwaider, plus the fact that this has been going on in my head for a while, especially now that I feel that I’m not who I used to be, I’m another me…
It’s not as simple as whether the glass is half empty or half full. It’s about us and what see in ourselves and what we believe we are capable of being, of doing.
I disagree with those who go on preaching that anyone can be whatever they want to be if they set their mind to it, that’s not true.
Unfortunately most of us learn that later instead of sooner, after reality slaps us in the face so hard we get so knocked out we can barely make back up.
One should realize their own potential, their own abilities and work on them.
One should not realize anyone else’s.
Being ourselves is what we were born as, we shouldn’t try and change that, because it’s just like the saying “The easier it is to do, the harder it is to change.” Which more or less means الطبٍع غلاّب.
Back to the point: It’s not the best movie in the world, but it’s one that gets a person, moves them, giving motivation to be as much bigger and better as anyone can be, at the same time maintaining to still be one’s self, not someone else.
The movie Coach Carter has a variation of this quote, that I personally found truly inspiring, so I googled it and found the original.
This is in light of the post by Qwaider, LOVE YOURSELF 1ST
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Marianne Williamson - A Return to Love
It’s not as simple as whether the glass is half empty or half full. It’s about us and what see in ourselves and what we believe we are capable of being, of doing.
I disagree with those who go on preaching that anyone can be whatever they want to be if they set their mind to it, that’s not true.
Unfortunately most of us learn that later instead of sooner, after reality slaps us in the face so hard we get so knocked out we can barely make back up.
One should realize their own potential, their own abilities and work on them.
One should not realize anyone else’s.
Being ourselves is what we were born as, we shouldn’t try and change that, because it’s just like the saying “The easier it is to do, the harder it is to change.” Which more or less means الطبٍع غلاّب.
Back to the point: It’s not the best movie in the world, but it’s one that gets a person, moves them, giving motivation to be as much bigger and better as anyone can be, at the same time maintaining to still be one’s self, not someone else.
The movie Coach Carter has a variation of this quote, that I personally found truly inspiring, so I googled it and found the original.
This is in light of the post by Qwaider, LOVE YOURSELF 1ST
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Marianne Williamson - A Return to Love
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Salam Salam!
I found a Salam online! And I'm pretty sure it's a girl just like me!
I've met and known of male Salams before, and female ones that were like babies, meaning so much younger than me. But this is the first time for me to meet a grown up female Salam.
From now on, I'm making a deal with myself to always greet whoever I find, that has a name just like mine!
I've met and known of male Salams before, and female ones that were like babies, meaning so much younger than me. But this is the first time for me to meet a grown up female Salam.
From now on, I'm making a deal with myself to always greet whoever I find, that has a name just like mine!
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Another Reflection
When I was growing up, my mom asked me a very interesting question. She asked me what if I looked in the mirror one day and did not see my own reflection, that I saw another world that I could walk into, what would I imagine I was to see?
She told me to write it down.
I imagined that I would see the black space with the plants scattered around like colored Chinese lamps, and that there would be tiny pieces of brilliant glitters sprinkled on the velvet navy black sky, shining… those would be the stars. The sun would be on the right for some reason, very bright and yellow, and has a beautiful smiling face.
The moon would be on the left, all blue and icy, yet cheesy enough for me to actually see Jerry the mouse going into one hole and then out to the other!
The planets are all round and in many many colors, there is green, brown, blue and even purple! Some of them have like patterns on them, either lines or circles or squares. Some of them came in more than one color. All look like candy, all good enough for me to actually grab and eat!
One of the planets would be that color that isn’t exactly red and isn’t exactly orange, so bright and standing out. It would have a BIG sign sticking out of it that has huge green letters spelling out M.A.R.S.
I would be able to jump from one planet to the other, and then taste the cheesy moon. But eventually I would go to Mars and hang out bellow the gigantic sign, and carve my name in the red sands.
She told me to write it down.
I imagined that I would see the black space with the plants scattered around like colored Chinese lamps, and that there would be tiny pieces of brilliant glitters sprinkled on the velvet navy black sky, shining… those would be the stars. The sun would be on the right for some reason, very bright and yellow, and has a beautiful smiling face.
The moon would be on the left, all blue and icy, yet cheesy enough for me to actually see Jerry the mouse going into one hole and then out to the other!
The planets are all round and in many many colors, there is green, brown, blue and even purple! Some of them have like patterns on them, either lines or circles or squares. Some of them came in more than one color. All look like candy, all good enough for me to actually grab and eat!
One of the planets would be that color that isn’t exactly red and isn’t exactly orange, so bright and standing out. It would have a BIG sign sticking out of it that has huge green letters spelling out M.A.R.S.
I would be able to jump from one planet to the other, and then taste the cheesy moon. But eventually I would go to Mars and hang out bellow the gigantic sign, and carve my name in the red sands.
Friday, February 02, 2007
Hats off
I’ve been unemployed for like what? Two months now? Last weekend, after I started being another person, I had a feeling that the week ahead was going to be good. Many signs lead me to believe that, and what do you know? It was!
I got an email from a girl that works at the company I left telling me that she misses me and she was wondering if I had found a job. She comes from a pretty well connected family and she knows a lot of people, so I thought that she heard or knew about a company opening up or a suitable position that she wanted to tell me about. I called my old company on Sunday and asked for her, the receptionist answered me hesitantly “She is not at her desk…” and I was like okay, have her call me when she’s back.
15 minutes later I get a call from a cell phone number, and what do you know? It’s her telling me that she quit that company too… I was like “YOU GO GIRL!!!!!”
Let me explain, she has been with the company ever since it was formed, she basically is one of the oldest, friendliest most nicest people in the company. She was also taking a lot of crap from people in senior positions who basically are in their positions undeservedly. She has kept her mouth shut for far too long and took too much crap from so many bullshitters, it had to stop. So what she does is the same thing I did… she leaves them, just like that because she has had it, even if there was no other offer or place waiting for her, it was just NOT WORTH all that pain and agony!!!
I dedicate this to you KAD, I salute you for your courage, you and I both know that there are only a few people out there with this kind of guts.
Hats off to you, you’re one of few!
How has it been a good week? She called me on Sunday and we spoke briefly… right after I hang up with her, one of my friends call me and ask me if I want to help out at her work, part-time and getting paid an hourly rate… I was like HELL YEAH!!
It’s not the greatest experience in the world working with friends by the way, it’s actually one of the worst! Because people stop being friends and they start dealing with each other on a “friendly” basis, which basically means “I can only stand your face because I have to”. So, note to self, never work with your friends EVER again. But I know very well that I will end up doing this again.
All in all, it wasn’t SO bad. Yes there were times where I wanted to strangle you Marlin, but then you call me after-hours to apologize for the way you’ve been acting and I go like “I love you too”.
It’s not Marlin’s fault that she has to work with people who try to sell you crap and ALSO have the nerve to tell you that it’s actually good for you. I’m just worried that she will turn into one of them.
The one thing that made the past week “Oh so GOOD!!”, I got a call on Thursday telling me that I was short-listed for a scholarship I had applied for… My week would’ve counted for nothing if it wasn’t for that call, I just hope I make it all the way to the end.
On another note: It’s funny when people get stabbed in the back, metaphorically speaking that is, and they go like “I thought I knew you/him/her”. Would people be surprised if they didn’t “know” the person?! It’s people whom you know that stun you, not the ones you don’t. Just a thought…
I got an email from a girl that works at the company I left telling me that she misses me and she was wondering if I had found a job. She comes from a pretty well connected family and she knows a lot of people, so I thought that she heard or knew about a company opening up or a suitable position that she wanted to tell me about. I called my old company on Sunday and asked for her, the receptionist answered me hesitantly “She is not at her desk…” and I was like okay, have her call me when she’s back.
15 minutes later I get a call from a cell phone number, and what do you know? It’s her telling me that she quit that company too… I was like “YOU GO GIRL!!!!!”
Let me explain, she has been with the company ever since it was formed, she basically is one of the oldest, friendliest most nicest people in the company. She was also taking a lot of crap from people in senior positions who basically are in their positions undeservedly. She has kept her mouth shut for far too long and took too much crap from so many bullshitters, it had to stop. So what she does is the same thing I did… she leaves them, just like that because she has had it, even if there was no other offer or place waiting for her, it was just NOT WORTH all that pain and agony!!!
I dedicate this to you KAD, I salute you for your courage, you and I both know that there are only a few people out there with this kind of guts.
Hats off to you, you’re one of few!
How has it been a good week? She called me on Sunday and we spoke briefly… right after I hang up with her, one of my friends call me and ask me if I want to help out at her work, part-time and getting paid an hourly rate… I was like HELL YEAH!!
It’s not the greatest experience in the world working with friends by the way, it’s actually one of the worst! Because people stop being friends and they start dealing with each other on a “friendly” basis, which basically means “I can only stand your face because I have to”. So, note to self, never work with your friends EVER again. But I know very well that I will end up doing this again.
All in all, it wasn’t SO bad. Yes there were times where I wanted to strangle you Marlin, but then you call me after-hours to apologize for the way you’ve been acting and I go like “I love you too”.
It’s not Marlin’s fault that she has to work with people who try to sell you crap and ALSO have the nerve to tell you that it’s actually good for you. I’m just worried that she will turn into one of them.
The one thing that made the past week “Oh so GOOD!!”, I got a call on Thursday telling me that I was short-listed for a scholarship I had applied for… My week would’ve counted for nothing if it wasn’t for that call, I just hope I make it all the way to the end.
On another note: It’s funny when people get stabbed in the back, metaphorically speaking that is, and they go like “I thought I knew you/him/her”. Would people be surprised if they didn’t “know” the person?! It’s people whom you know that stun you, not the ones you don’t. Just a thought…
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