Monday, March 26, 2007

Don’t extend my expectations

I don’t need you to respond to my being genuinely nice to you by being temporarily nice to me. That way I actually expect something from you.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Doing Does

No one and nothing can help me do this, I’m on my own.
I need to quit
I need to quit
I need to quit
I need to quit
I need to quit
Maybe if I say it so many times it might happen…
I need control
I need to snap out of it
I need to get a grip
I need to quit
I need to quit
I need to quit
I need to quit
I need to quit
I need to quit
What am I waiting for?
I wish there was someone or something to help do this
Snap out of it!!! There isn’t!!!
Trying goes nowhere, doing does.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Release

It is that time when I’m supposed to make a decision that will be without a doubt a turning point in my life.
Yes I am happy about the opportunity, yes I should grab it with my hands and teeth, yes I will grab it with my hands and teeth. But… Am I going to be happy?
What I will be doing for sure is giving up a lifelong dream, and living a reality I fought so hard to refuse and reject, and stay out of… Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.*
It’s ironic how people struggle so hard to get what they really want and end up compromising, we end up living with our dream’s leftovers.

*Quoting The Godfather: Part III.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Entrapment

I’m not in denial of my age, I realize that I’m an adult now and that I’m supposed to be able to take care of myself, be independent and make different choices and decisions, right ones hopefully.
But I also always feel that my parents and people who are their age are far more grown up than I am, which they are, because they are more experienced and have see more of life and people, and have had far more experiences than me; a person mostly half their age.
I recently came to know that grown ups make mistakes. As a kid it never occurred to me that they could, I guess my automatic train of thought was that how could someone that tells me what’s right and what’s wrong be able to do anything wrong. Turns out they can do a lot wrong, far more than imaginable. One other thing that occurred to me recently, by recently I mean two minutes ago, is that gown ups can get depressed and be frustrated just like I could be.
I felt trapped, not physically, just emotional and mental entrapment, hand tied, and that I was screaming to the top of my lungs but I wasn’t really making any sound, no one could hear me.
It gives me comfort, but it also saddens me when I know that there are other people out there who more or less feel the same way.