Moving

In the past couple of weeks, I’ve been looking for a house for us to move in. It’s not that the house that we’re in has anything wrong with it, it’s just that we came to this house when this housing complex was first built, about twelve years ago, and it’s about time we moved to another one.
Plus, it’s getting “tight” now that everyone is growing up and requires more space, especially the older more domineering bullies like myself.
In the process of checking houses, there were ones that were great, ideal, perfect in everyway, so very welcoming to live it, and has such a cozy atmosphere… scratchless and flawless. I would start to make mental plans of who is going to take which room, and where all the computers would go, and what color the new living room would be.
Then I come back home and park the car in the old garage that has a manual door, with an oil stain on the floor that goes back for as long as I can remember, all those scratches and cracks on the wall, those flowers leaning from their pots, the palm tree, the jasmines, the welcome matt in front of the doorway, and the memory of me and my brother fighting over who washes the car in the first week we moved in…
It’s not that I don’t want to move, I’m dieing to move. I just think that it’s going to take me a while to feel “homey” in the new house, and that this one will always be “home”, even if it just becomes a memory.

Creation Anew

The man of the house goes off and buys a new machine without thinking about the consequences, Results? No clicks. Is that good? Absolutely NOT!!
The last few days have been very interesting. I feel like a new person. And although someone disagrees with me, but I think I am a new person. I’m definitely not what I used to be, it’s a “new” me.
Thoughts come to my head and it’s like I automatically want to share them with someone. Unfortunately, that someone can’t be anyone, otherwise I would be much saner than I am. This specific someone is very dear to my heart, this someone always seems to have the right answer to my questions, even if the answer was “I don’t know what to tell you” or “I’m not sure how I should be responding to this”, this someone always allows me to vent… there are certain thoughts that I wish I could share with all those dear to my heart, but they wouldn’t get it. That someone does.

January 23rd, 2007 – 16:10
I don’t want to stay home… I want to punch something or someone, scream to the top of my lungs, just fall apart and cry my eyes out!

January 23rd, 2007 – 20:21
How would he know that I made BOTH c**m***s? F**K man it’s getting to me!!

January 23rd, 2007 – 22:32
F**K… My f***g from *a**r got *****ed

January 23rd, 2007 – 22:34
I’m in shock. It’s funny but I find myself not capable of laughing

January 23rd, 2007 – 22:38
I’m in shock. I don’t know what to think or how to think it. I don’t feel at loss or anything I’m just shocked. And I think I’m also yellow.

January 23rd, 2007 – 22:41
I may be that… But I’m yellow as in no blood is being circulated in my face, not yellow as in blue. I think I’ll sleep for a decade.

January 24th, 2007 – 08:26
I wish I had a format button.

January 24th, 2007 – 20:43
It’s official… I’m another person.

Thank you for taking my shit, I know that no one else would.

BLAH!

I know that the same person disappointed me like a million times before, I still allow myself to believe what they say or say they will do.
It’s always up to one person to make a decision, and that person is always the most selfish and inconsiderate of others. It’s also usually the person who is the most comfortable with any situation, where things always work for their “advantage”.
I try so hard to be strong about how I feel when I’m disappointed, that I won’t have anything to do with anything…
It’s not like I haven’t done it before, and I’m not pretending that I’m miss perfect that never hurts anyone, I have hurt so many people in my life with things I say. But I can’t consciously and deliberately bring myself to disappoint someone else, especially when it’s someone I love and care about deeply.
Like a fool, that is how I feel.

Fou!

Tellement je t’aime, je pense à toi
Tellement je t’aime, je rêve de toi
Tellement je t’aime, passionnément
Tellement je t’aime, à la folie
Tellement je t’aime, je pense à toi
Tellement je t’aime, je rêve de toi
Tellement je t’aime, à la folie

Un chanson de Faudel.

A Luxury

People should realize that when they don’t have enough financial resources to fulfill their dreams, they should give up on making these dreams into reality.
I’m not trying to suppress or depress dreamers, I’m a dreamer myself.
I think that if I’m not financially well off, and I come from a family who has enough of their own expenses and bills to pay… I should shut up and take whatever it is that is out there.
I have seen people exploiting their family’s money to take on a dream that is obviously a waste, both of time and money.
I’m against quitting, submission and walking away from challenges. I just think that I should do what I want and what I’m passionate about in my own time, and at my own expense… not at the expense of others.

Shoes

We allow ourselves to judge people according to where they are from, according to what we refer to as “background”, we don’t give ourselves the chance to look at the experiences that they have been through.
That’s what shapes a person, what they’ve been through, that’s what makes a person who they are. What doesn’t make a person is where they were born, or what country does the passport they hold belong to, or where their parents are from.
Why is it that we allow ourselves to complicate things that are already complicated? There are no two people in this whole world that are the same, not one pair. So why is it that we condemn other people for thinking in a different way than we do?
Having a brain comes with a purpose of using it, also known as thinking, that’s what makes us who we are, different complicated people, with so many precious little details that define us as who we are.
You can never put yourself in my shoes, and I can never put myself in yours. So please… Stop trying.

Conscious Snoozing

I'm sure that everyone had the "falling" dream at some point in their life.
It seems like ages since I had it, but I kept on having it for while, like almost every night. It used to happen like in those last few minutes before I went to actual deep sleep, and then the moment where I supposedly hit the ground, I like jump, in Arabic it’s referred to as “ban2oz, bton2oz or byon2oz”…
At this point in my life, I’m having that dream while I’m wide awake, conscious, aware and all.
I feel like I’m falling but I’m not hitting any ground, as if there is no ground for me to fall on.

Employment Please!

“All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.” Aristotle

Just to give myself a reminder of why I am where I am...
I had been working at this company for about a year, since September of 2005 till December of 2006.
This company is, without a doubt, one of the best companies in Abu Dhabi. Not only does this company have a great reputation, not only does this company have one of the highest salaries in the country, not only is this company “everyone you’ve ever met” ’s dream to work there… it is all that and will always be, one of the most painful experiences in my life.

A Bit of Both

Dear Online Diary
I’ve always wanted to have a place where I can spill the thoughts that go through that big, yet hollow, head of mine.
I tried like a million times to have one of those actual journals, but that always goes south. I scribble, so it ends up being a big drawing… no sorry, scribbling book that has some writings here and there. Looks funky, but doesn’t serve its actual purpose.
Here I am, 23 years of age, starting a blog. Sad? I agree… who isn’t?!
It’s 2007, in all honesty I’ve never believed in this “new year's resolution” stuff so I’ve never really tried it. Maybe if I tried it then some of those resolutions might’ve actually happened… Sadder? OKAY!
Here goes my first ever list of new year’s resolutions, some of them might be superficial and others might seem deep, but that’s the way I am. I can’t decide if I want to be entirely superficial or entirely all about “What matters is who you are not who you wear”, I really can’t, so I think that right now I’m a bit of both.

List of Resolutions for 2007:

1. I think that not one female in this entire world does not have this resolution or have something that is pretty much close to it, if not exactly just it: Loosing weight, becoming fitter, working out more regularly and eating healthier.
2. Accept others with their flaws and not try and change them.
3. Accept myself and know and come to terms with what I’m capable of doing.
4. Maintaine the relationship I have with my best friends. All three of them are literally irreplaceable.
5. Call distant friends more often.
6. Read more often.
7. I should start giving a damn about what people think when they see me in a public place.
8. Speak in a lower voice, especially in public. Loud & Proud is so yesterday!
9. Think about what I want to say before I actually say it.
10. Have a better relationship with siblings.
11. Stop thinking about committing suicide.
12. Stop thinking about killing other people.
13. Try not to think vindictively about people I hate.
14. Try not to hate anyone, no matter how hard it may seem.
15. Improve social life.
16. Keep my room as clean and as tidy as possible at all times.
17. No more slacking off. Queen Procrastination is behind just like 2006 is.

There it was, my resolutions for 2007. Late? I know, but it’s going to take me a while to get over that last one.

Happy New Year!